In loving memory of...Allahyarham Ahmad Sofwan Hanif bin Zulkifli

>> Saturday, October 16, 2010

I was invited to present a short lecture during the last plenary session at the 3rd National Midwifery Congress, organised by O&G Dept HTAR, at Hotel Istana on Friday Oct 15th.

The lecture was entitled : `Supporting Mothers through Pregnancy Loss and Grief'.

It was very emotionally draining to prepare the lecture, what more delivering it! I tell you why...

I dedicated the lecture to my deceased second born ` Ahmad Sofwan Hanif Zulkifli ' ( Born : 02061995 [1350hrs] - Died : 26091995 [11oohrs]), who passed away peacefully in his sleep at 4 month-old : COD ( cause of death) stated ` Sudden Infant Death Syndrome - SIDS' in his burial permit. Eventhough it was not a perinatal / pregnancy loss; it was nevertheless an extremely painful experience, and I could sincerely relate and emphatize deeply with those mothers who had experienced loss of a pregnancy or a newborn.

I would like to share some of the quotations that I collected from the internet search

`When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future.'
`A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awfulthe loss is!
Neugeboren 1976
The sorrow for the dead is the only sorrow from which we refuse to be divorced. Every other wound we seek to heal, every other affliction to forget; but this wound we consider it a duty to keep open; this affliction we cherish and brood over in solitude.'
Washington Irving, 1992
`Bereaved parents learn to live with the memories, the losthopes, the shattered dreams. They never 'get over' the death, but they do recover, adjust and learn to live with the pain.'
Donnelly, 1982
As Muslims, nothing provides more comfort than Allah's promise that parents who lose their children will be rewarded with paradise, providing they could bear the loss with a lot of trust in Allah and patience.

Hati memujuk, mungkin ibu dan ayah Sofwan ini hampir mustahil ke Jannah Allah sekiranya tiada syafaat dan bantuan, maka Allah telah mengambil Sofwan kembali kepada-Nya utk. dipelihara dan dijaga, hingga pada saat ketika di Padang Mahsyar, bilamana Sofwan akan berlari-lari di celah org ramai selepas diizinkan Allah mencari ibu dan bapanya, menggenggam tangan Ummi dan Ayah utk. sama-sama ke syurga Allah, Amin.

Anakanda Sofwan,
tunggu Ummi dan Ayah yer, kami sedang berjuang sedaya termampu membela
agama dan syiar Allah di bumi ini, sebagai tanda kesungguhan kami utk tidak
mengecewakan Sofwan nanti. Alangkah dukacitanya jika Ummi dan Ayahmu ini
terpaksa diiring pula ke Jahannam dan bukannya ke syurga utk.
bersamamu.....Aduh, kepalang sedihnya nanti.
Al-Fatihah buat Sofwan.
Kami (Ummi, Ayah, Akak, Adik Syamil dan Deena) amat mencintaimu, nak/adik/abang!
Ummi -Dr.Har

4 responses:

Fatimah October 20, 2010 at 2:48 PM  

Salam Dr. Har,

My heart goes for you. I can truly understand your situation. I lost my 2nd daughter at the age of 3.5 years old in 2006. May Allah bless you and your family. Keep doing what you're doing now for the sake of Islam.

Fatimah Ibrahim
(Mom to :
1. Aisyah-10 yrs old
2. Khadijah-
3. Damia-2.5 yrs old
4. 4th one coming soon 30 May 2011)

Dr. Har October 20, 2010 at 2:53 PM  

Ukhti Fatimah,

Kita satu kelab! I wonder if you're interested to help setting up a support group for parents who have lost their love ones?


Fatimah October 25, 2010 at 11:43 AM  

Salam Dr. Har,

I would love to help out. I know that it is not an easy feat to overcome the sadness of losing a child.

I'm also encouraging moms to breastfeed their babies. Alhamdulillah many moms at my workplace are doing it now compared to 3 years ago when I was determined to fully bf my 3rd one, Damia. Now she's 2.5 yrs old and still BF (despite me being 9 weeks pregnant with my 4th one). I'm figuring out how to wean her off (now that's another story).

take care,
Fatimah (

MS Rizal November 5, 2010 at 8:45 AM  

Salam Dr.
Hati saya berbening kesayuan membaca artikel ini. Semoga Allah SWT mengurniakan banyak pahala dan kebaikan atas pemergian Allahyarham anak kedua Dr. dahulu.


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